"Not knowing how to cook is like not knowing how to fuck." – Robert Rodriguez

I am neither a trained chef nor a foodie; I am just a guy who loves to cook. There is no reason that a lack of training, money, or resources should stand between you and simple, easy, delicious meals. The recipes contained herein are just a few of the reasons I'm fat.

13th July 2014

Link reblogged from megan falley with 134 notes

IF YOU REALLY LOVE A WRITER →

meganfalley:

“How vain it is to sit down to write

when you have not stood up to live”

- Henry David Thoreau.

Everyone wants to give a writer the perfect notebook.  Over the years I’ve acquired stacks: One is leather, a rope of Rapunzel’s hair braids its spine. Another, tree-friendly, its pages reincarnated from diaries of poets who now sit in cubicles. One is small and black like a funeral dress, its pages lined like the hands of a widow.  There’s even a furry blue one that looks like a shag rug or a monster that would hide under it— and I wonder why? For every blown out candle, every Mazel Tov, every turn of the tassel, you gift-wrap what a writer dreads most: blank pages. It’s never a notebook we need.  If we have a story to tell, an idea carbonating past the brim of us, we will write it on our arms, thighs, any bare meadow of skin. In the absence of pens, we will repeat our lines deliriously like the telephone number of a parting stranger until we become the craziest one on the subway. If you really love a writer, fuck her on a coffee table.  Find a gravestone of someone who shares her name and take her to it.  When her door is plastered with an eviction notice, do not offer your home. Say I Love You, then call her the wrong name.  If you really love a writer, bury her in all your awful and watch as she scrawls her way out.   

-Megan Falley, 2011.

12th May 2014

Link reblogged from I'd Rather be Sailing with 4 notes

These looked like awesome questions! →

Now that summer is almost here, it’s time to begin using this account again. Many new recipes coming soon. 

22nd April 2014

Photo reblogged from You will be shocked with 566 notes

26th February 2014

Photoset reblogged from A work in progress with 298,169 notes

Source: wamwanfood

7th January 2014

Photoset reblogged from Pastries with 187,946 notes

I absolutely love this idea. Sadly, these “tapes” are made of mere paper. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be wasting my weekend trying to make this will a real cassette and making a 1-gig mix tape for a friend.

Tagged: tapecassetteusbgigmusicmixtape

Source: suck.uk.com

29th December 2013

Post with 2 notes

You Betray Me and I Will Kill You:

When I still lived in Illinois, my brother and I would occasionally attend Wizard World Chicago and dress for the occasion; over the years, we’ve gone as Jay and Silent Bob, 24 and 21, and a few others. I made a bet with him today involving SDCC 2015; this is my placeholder/reminder.

7th December 2013

Post reblogged from #WHATSHOULDWECALLGRADSCHOOL with 155 notes

whatshouldwecallgradschool:

imagecredit: mallorylocklear

Tagged: Ron Swansonparks and receating

1st December 2013

Chat reblogged from Fides Qua Creditur with 11,250 notes

An Insanely Detailed Ask Meme Brought to You by Tolkien's Characters

  • Frodo: What is your deepest wound, and do you still hurt from it?
  • Bilbo: When did taking a chance improve your life?
  • Samwise: Have you ever done something for a friend that you would never have done on your own?
  • Merry: Who would you swear loyalty to, or to whom have you already done so?
  • Pippin: Tell me about when you did something that no one thought you could do.
  • Aragorn: What is your heritage? Do you embrace or reject it?
  • Boromir: Did your father leave an impact on your life?
  • Gimli: Have you ever had an opinion about someone that turned out to be completely wrong?
  • Legolas: What has been your most unlikely friendship, and did it last?
  • Gandalf: Has your public appearance and ever changed radically?
  • Elrond: Do you have overprotective relatives, or do you fill that role?
  • Arwen: Did you ever make a decision your family didn't agree with?
  • Elladan: Have you ever failed to help someone you cared about?
  • Elrohir: Do you have siblings?
  • Galadriel: Would you consider yourself wise?
  • Celeborn: Are you content with being the less-popular one in a relationship?
  • Celebrían: Have you ever done something that took a turn for the worse that you weren't prepared for?
  • Haldir: Has your popularity ever changed unexpectedly because of something minor?
  • Éomer: What are the things you consider to be worth fighting the system for?
  • Éowyn: Have you ever overcome prejudice in a significant way?
  • Théoden: When have you been wrong but refused to see it?
  • Gríma Wormtongue: Do you sometimes make bad choices for selfish reasons?
  • Saruman: Do you want power?
  • Sauron: What is your greatest weakness?
  • Melkor: Has greed or the desire for material goods ever backfired on you?
  • Ungoliant: Are you proud of your children or younger relatives?
  • Shelob: Are you afraid of the dark?
  • Finwë: Do you come from a prestigious family line?
  • Fëanor: Does desire tend to blind you to the consequences of your actions?
  • Nerdanel: Have you ever ended a relationship because your partner was doing something you didn't agree with and you couldn't stop them?
  • Maedhros: What is the greatest thing you have ever lost?
  • Maglor: Do you believe in redemption?
  • Celegorm: Have you ever had a pet that impacted your life greatly?
  • Caranthir: Do you have a temper, and has it ever gotten you into trouble?
  • Curufin: What have you inherited from your family lineage?
  • Amrod: Do you have a friend or sibling that you have a special bond with?
  • Amras: Has your family ever done something that ended up hurting you?
  • Beren: Will you do anything for love?
  • Lúthien: Do societal norms exist to be broken?
  • Thingol: If you believe in luck, do you think you've had good or bad?
  • Melian: Have you ever had a significant other that was of a lower social class than you?
  • Eöl: Did you ever have a goth phase?
  • Aredhel: Is listening to other people something that is important to you?
  • Glorfindel: Have you ever taken on a challenge others have deemed impossible and won?
  • Thror: Do you value wealth?
  • Thráin: Do you consider yourself a selfish person?
  • Thorin: What have you lost that you wish to regain?
  • Balin: Are you older or younger than most of your friends?
  • Dwalin: Do you have any hobbies?
  • Fili: Do you have a good smile?
  • Kili: Have you ever suddenly been considered attractive where before you were just sort of there?
  • Dori: Are you a musician?
  • Nori: Is it common for you to notice things others have forgotten or missed?
  • Ori: Do you write or speak multiple languages fluently?
  • Óin: Would you consider yourself a superstitious person?
  • Glóin: Are you skilled at something most would consider unusual or esoteric nowadays?
  • Bifur: What is your most interesting injury, and how did it happen?
  • Bofur: Do you consider yourself an optimist or a pessimist?
  • Bombur: What is your relationship with food?

Source: absynthe--minded

1st December 2013

Photo

Thanksgiving Leftovers: Vol. 2Panko encrusted turkey thigh. I had a leftover turkey thigh so I decidid to beat an egg, dip said thigh in egg, and then dip it in some panko. I then backed the breaded turkey at 300 F for 30 minutes. While this would not be advisable with white meat, as it would almost surely dry out horribly, this worked perfectly with some otherwise greasy, bone-in dark meat. 

Thanksgiving Leftovers: Vol. 2
Panko encrusted turkey thigh. I had a leftover turkey thigh so I decidid to beat an egg, dip said thigh in egg, and then dip it in some panko. I then backed the breaded turkey at 300 F for 30 minutes. While this would not be advisable with white meat, as it would almost surely dry out horribly, this worked perfectly with some otherwise greasy, bone-in dark meat. 

Tagged: Turkeybreadedthanksgivingleftovers

30th November 2013

Photo

The only thing better than a Thanksgiving turkey is the turkey and dumpling soup that can be made the following day. 
STOCK: Once you’ve removed all the large meat from the turkey, you can start by using the carcass to make homemade stock. Place all the bones in a pot full of water; then add any of the drippings or scraps left in the turkey pan. 
Boil this mixture for five or six hours on low heat. Once any tendons or gristle has become soft, remove all the bones from the pot; place these bones aside and allow them to cool. Place your stock in the refrigerator until it is cool. Once the stock cools tallow (read: fat) should collect and solidify at the top of the pot. Remove the fat and place the pot back on the stove. 
SOUP: Pick any meat off the bones that you had previously boiled and place said meat in the stock. Turn the pot on low and begin chopping vegetables. You can add any of the onions and garlic from the cavity of the turkey. You will also need approximately 1 lb. of chopped carrots and 1 lb. of chopped celery. Add all chopped vegetable to the pot and boil on low hear for approximately two hours. 
DUMPLINGS: In lieu of noodles, I prefer making heartier dumplings for turkey soup. For these dumplings, you will need to beat two eggs and 1 and a 1/2 cup water. Then add 1 and a 1/2 cups of all purpose flour. Using a table spoon or small ice cream scoop, drop small amounts of dough into your boiling pot. It should only take a few minutes for the dumplings to cook completely, but I prefer to allow them to cook for about 10 minutes before letting the soup cool. 
This soup is best eaten the next day, as the flavors mingle overnight. 

The only thing better than a Thanksgiving turkey is the turkey and dumpling soup that can be made the following day. 

STOCK: Once you’ve removed all the large meat from the turkey, you can start by using the carcass to make homemade stock. Place all the bones in a pot full of water; then add any of the drippings or scraps left in the turkey pan. 

Boil this mixture for five or six hours on low heat. Once any tendons or gristle has become soft, remove all the bones from the pot; place these bones aside and allow them to cool. Place your stock in the refrigerator until it is cool. Once the stock cools tallow (read: fat) should collect and solidify at the top of the pot. Remove the fat and place the pot back on the stove. 

SOUP: Pick any meat off the bones that you had previously boiled and place said meat in the stock. Turn the pot on low and begin chopping vegetables. You can add any of the onions and garlic from the cavity of the turkey. You will also need approximately 1 lb. of chopped carrots and 1 lb. of chopped celery. Add all chopped vegetable to the pot and boil on low hear for approximately two hours. 

DUMPLINGS: In lieu of noodles, I prefer making heartier dumplings for turkey soup. For these dumplings, you will need to beat two eggs and 1 and a 1/2 cup water. Then add 1 and a 1/2 cups of all purpose flour. Using a table spoon or small ice cream scoop, drop small amounts of dough into your boiling pot. It should only take a few minutes for the dumplings to cook completely, but I prefer to allow them to cook for about 10 minutes before letting the soup cool. 

This soup is best eaten the next day, as the flavors mingle overnight. 

30th November 2013

Photo with 1 note

Thanksgiving turkey. 
Turkey is by far my favorite part of this holiday. I love roasted turkey as well as all of the great inevitable leftovers. This year’s bird was 18 lbs. of wonderful. 
You will need18 to 20 lb turkeyWhite onions, garlic, and a lemon for stuffing the cavity of the bird. Olive oil and seasoning. Tin foil and an oven. 
Preheat oven to 325 FRinse turkey, pat dry, and make sure the giblets have been remove from the cavity. Place turkey in a large roasting pan. Stuff cavity with the turkey neck, one finely chopped white onion, and half a lemon. Stuff in the onions and minced garlic, and place the lemon in last, so the rind is facing the outside of the bird. Coat the bird lightly with olive oil and add light seasoning. Cover the turkey lightly with tin foil and place in preheated oven. Roast for 4 hours, stopping ever two hours to baste. Remove tinfoil, turn oven up to 350 F and roast for another 2 hours. Remove from oven and let the turkey rest for at least 20 minutes before cutting. 
This year, the turkey literally fell off the bone; I will be making the leftover into a great many things in the coming days. 

Thanksgiving turkey. 

Turkey is by far my favorite part of this holiday. I love roasted turkey as well as all of the great inevitable leftovers. This year’s bird was 18 lbs. of wonderful. 

You will need
18 to 20 lb turkey
White onions, garlic, and a lemon for stuffing the cavity of the bird. 
Olive oil and seasoning. 
Tin foil and an oven. 

Preheat oven to 325 F
Rinse turkey, pat dry, and make sure the giblets have been remove from the cavity. Place turkey in a large roasting pan. 
Stuff cavity with the turkey neck, one finely chopped white onion, and half a lemon. 
Stuff in the onions and minced garlic, and place the lemon in last, so the rind is facing the outside of the bird. 
Coat the bird lightly with olive oil and add light seasoning. 
Cover the turkey lightly with tin foil and place in preheated oven. 
Roast for 4 hours, stopping ever two hours to baste. 
Remove tinfoil, turn oven up to 350 F and roast for another 2 hours. 
Remove from oven and let the turkey rest for at least 20 minutes before cutting. 

This year, the turkey literally fell off the bone; I will be making the leftover into a great many things in the coming days. 

30th November 2013

Photo

My grandmother is a horrible cook. That phrase, “he could fuck up a cup of coffee,” might as well describe her. As such, her major contribution to Thanksgiving dinners during my childhood was something that required no cooking whatsoever. Even better, she had the brass calls to refer to the following as a “salad.” For the record, this is actually one of my favorite desserts; thankfully, I only make it for this holiday… lest I would have contracted diabetes years ago. 
You will need: 8 oz. cream cheese (you can use low fat and not really notice the difference, but what fun is that? Cool WhipCanned and fresh fruit of your choosing (though I use 6 oz. maraschino cherries, 8 oz. mandarin oranges, and seedless grapes)mini marshmallows
There are not precise measurements for this recipes, as that level of thought would be laughable. 
Allow 8 oz of cream cheese to come to room temperature; once sufficiently warmed up, place cream cheese in a large bowl. Add approximately 2 cups of Cool Whip and blend thoroughly; you may choose to add additional cool whip based on general consistency at this point. Add approximately 2 cups mini marshmallows; fold the marshmallows into this mixture using a spatula. Add mandarin oranges; again, flow fruit into the mixture with a spatula. Add grapes and fold them into the mixture. Add cherries to this mixture. Once all of the fruit is added, you may want to add some of the leftover juice from the canned fruit; I prefer to use the cherry juice. Let the completed mixture rest in the refrigerator for at least three hours before consuming. 
This is the epitome of a white trash dish, but it sure is delicious. And the presence of fruit allows for the delusion that this won’t kill you. 

My grandmother is a horrible cook. That phrase, “he could fuck up a cup of coffee,” might as well describe her. As such, her major contribution to Thanksgiving dinners during my childhood was something that required no cooking whatsoever. Even better, she had the brass calls to refer to the following as a “salad.” For the record, this is actually one of my favorite desserts; thankfully, I only make it for this holiday… lest I would have contracted diabetes years ago. 

You will need: 
8 oz. cream cheese (you can use low fat and not really notice the difference, but what fun is that? 
Cool Whip
Canned and fresh fruit of your choosing (though I use 6 oz. maraschino cherries, 8 oz. mandarin oranges, and seedless grapes)
mini marshmallows

There are not precise measurements for this recipes, as that level of thought would be laughable. 

Allow 8 oz of cream cheese to come to room temperature; once sufficiently warmed up, place cream cheese in a large bowl. 
Add approximately 2 cups of Cool Whip and blend thoroughly; you may choose to add additional cool whip based on general consistency at this point. 
Add approximately 2 cups mini marshmallows; fold the marshmallows into this mixture using a spatula. 
Add mandarin oranges; again, flow fruit into the mixture with a spatula. 
Add grapes and fold them into the mixture. 
Add cherries to this mixture. 
Once all of the fruit is added, you may want to add some of the leftover juice from the canned fruit; I prefer to use the cherry juice. 
Let the completed mixture rest in the refrigerator for at least three hours before consuming. 

This is the epitome of a white trash dish, but it sure is delicious. And the presence of fruit allows for the delusion that this won’t kill you. 

30th November 2013

Photo with 4 notes

"Is that a turkey leg wrapped in bacon? They call it the Swanson.”
A friend of mine was going to be gone for Thanksgiving, but wanted have a Swanson before she left town for the holiday. A Swanson is simple, easy, and delicious. All you need is an oven a few toothpicks, turkey drumsticks, and some high-quality cured bacon. 
Preheat oven to 350 FRinse drumstick and pat dry. Wrap top– widest portion of drumstick with a slice of bacon and push a toothpick through the overlapping end of said bacon. Repeat this process, making sure that each slice of bacon overlaps just slightly. Place drumstick toothpick-side up on a cookie sheet and roast for 30 minutes in your preheated over.Remove from over, remove toothpicks, and flip over turkey leg; the bacon should be nicely brown and beginning to crisp up. Place cookie sheet back in oven and continue roasting for another 30 to 40 minutes. Remove from oven and allow to rest for 10 minutes to allow meat to reabsorb its own juices. 
Nom on that delicious piece of flesh like nobody’s business. 

"Is that a turkey leg wrapped in bacon? 
They call it the Swanson.”

A friend of mine was going to be gone for Thanksgiving, but wanted have a Swanson before she left town for the holiday. A Swanson is simple, easy, and delicious. All you need is an oven a few toothpicks, turkey drumsticks, and some high-quality cured bacon. 

Preheat oven to 350 F
Rinse drumstick and pat dry. 
Wrap top– widest portion of drumstick with a slice of bacon and push a toothpick through the overlapping end of said bacon. Repeat this process, making sure that each slice of bacon overlaps just slightly. 
Place drumstick toothpick-side up on a cookie sheet and roast for 30 minutes in your preheated over.
Remove from over, remove toothpicks, and flip over turkey leg; the bacon should be nicely brown and beginning to crisp up. 
Place cookie sheet back in oven and continue roasting for another 30 to 40 minutes. 
Remove from oven and allow to rest for 10 minutes to allow meat to reabsorb its own juices. 

Nom on that delicious piece of flesh like nobody’s business. 

Tagged: TurkeythanksgivingRon SwansonParks and Rec

16th November 2013

Photoset reblogged from Male Fitspiration with 313,498 notes

tastefullyoffensive:

Food Geometry [mrlovenstein]

Source: tastefullyoffensive

18th September 2013

Photoset reblogged from more food with 607,008 notes

casfucker:

#about me

Source: justtouchedawkwardly